So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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