Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
