if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Did I show you my penis last night?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
