So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
