I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
