Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
