I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
