Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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