this beer tastes like vomit already
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Randomize
