Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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