And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
