At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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