I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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