The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
