I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
