im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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