she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
