Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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