He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
