Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
