A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
