its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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