you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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