i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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