If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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