There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
