So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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