At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
