even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize