Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
