We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
