He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
