You can't special order awesome
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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