I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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