I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
