whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
