the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize