I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
