I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
