You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
