Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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