I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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