A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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