I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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