I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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