Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
