Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize