I'm jealous of your bromance
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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