dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
