I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
