just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
