spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
