I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize