I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
