dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
