my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
