Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Terrible idea I love it
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
