so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize