he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
