hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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