hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
