I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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