I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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