its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
