plz talk dirty to me
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
