I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
