yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
