i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
