I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It's Friday. Sex?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
