I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
