I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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