I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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