this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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