New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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