what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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