So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
