Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
