How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she peed on how many people?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Bring me that man meat
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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