I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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