He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
