accomplished twins. life is a go
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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