you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
