my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize