He uses pillows to masturbate.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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