Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
