Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
