Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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