Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
