Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
