I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
