Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Houston, we have a blender
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
