My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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