I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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