it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
