my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
