How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
