I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
